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Single and Single

Dating My Life

Single & Single

So here it begins… or at least the parts where I’m totally transparent about my fears and growth of dating at a stage where I’ve thrust myself into the unknown. The unknown being, sought after by other men after my own failed attempt at a family. Then the fear of functioning in a society that has the ability to perceive me as the stereotypical single mother. And finally the unknown of how I am going to balance my life as a new mother and a woman who still has needs. All in all what could be more frightening? Before I outline present pressures and issues, let’s press rewind (and no I didn’t mean scene selection) on the chain of events leading up to this point.

 

-We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. -T.S. Eliot

The quote that popped into my editors head after reading my last statement lol pure genius!

 

I’m closing in on the latter part of my 20’s, and for the last two and a half years of my life I have “technically” been single. What I mean by technically is I ended an official engagement of less than a week to my boyfriend who finally did a proper proposal, instead of it being implied for the last two years of our ongoing relationship. Not only were we engaged, but he was the father of my son who I was undoubtedly 8 months pregnant with at the time. And just like that, what we had built was over and I fell into a state of– I might as well say it … desperation.  Here I was, embarrassed by a broken engagement and a mom at 26 with the father of her baby MIA. The title of that chapter would fittingly be “The Days of Our Lives.”

Once my emotional rollercoaster of feelings began to level out I was left desolate in a sea of numbness. Wanting to feel the tingling sensation of my heart again, and coaxed by the loneliness of my situation I was tempted to unearth my past. Pulling the dusty chest from the attic of my brain filled with my exes (and their numbers) I reached deep down into its belly looking for comfort. What I found was familiarity and stagnation. Even with the time that had passed between each ex I managed to put myself back in the same unfavorable situations, but this time my tolerance was far less attainable. I no longer tolerated the continuous weeks of disappearances from men who said they wanted to rekindle a past relationship or the blurry lines of our involvement.

 

Side note Editor Was it all love if it was in the past to call it that? Do women find it all to be love even when it doesn’t work out?

To answer my awesome male editors questions: no it wasnt all love but there was love there and it doesnt just go away because it didnt work out, but you have to respect when it doesnt and love from afar.

 

This time around I was no longer a young girl worrying about herself, but a young woman and mother looking after her child. So instead of my desired outcome of rekindling a lasting love –and keeping that number count down jk, or not. I discovered myself never committing to a single one of my exes and gaining a healthy reminder of why my exes, were my exes. In that time, I learned some pretty valuable lessons.

  • No you can’t change him; he is who he says he is.
  • No not everyone deserves a second chance or third or fourth.
  • Yes leave your past in the past.

For me, I learned I would be better off leaving the nostalgic memories of dating before baby era in a tiny box labeled open if you dare.

So here we are, back to the present, where I’m no longer heartbroken or disillusioned about what could possibly happen with another man. I’m at a point where having a companion is wanted but not necessary. Dont get me wrong I miss being with someone who appreciates me and I want to have a bond, but I refuse to force or go chasing after an idea that I can make any old thing  work.

Yet I can’t just sit around the house and wait for someone to come knocking at my door announcing, “I Am the One”—even though that would be pretty convenient. I know I have to make an earnest effort to meet and get to know someone new, although it has been scarier than I imagined and a bit hilarious too. The scary part is the idea of creating new bonds that may or may not last. Since my last real relationship was formed from a chance meeting at a Walmart, I don’t really have practice in the countless areas you can now meet someone. I’m finding myself at a place where I want to meet men in a public setting, but still having to resort to online dating because of …hmmm Time? Scheduling? Places? Nope, because of the plain failure to launch circumstances. I’ve decided what better way to get through the neglected city streets of my life known as, ‘Dating in my Late 20’s’ and ‘Dating as a Single Mom’, than to share my experience with women having to go through the same thing.

Oh, and, by the way… you’re welcome. Lol.

 

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Comments

  • Seriani

    December 17, 2015

    This was very informative and useful everything you stated was so interesting and inspirational love your vids girl 💖

    reply to Seriani
  • Tina ngoc

    December 14, 2015

    Informative and love it so much

    reply to Tina ngoc
    • admin

      December 14, 2015

      Thank you! You made me smile <3

      reply to admin
  • Joy Vena

    December 13, 2015

    Hi! I don’t know what you’re looking for but one thing that stood out for me was one comment to me. No you can’t change him. He is who he says he is. The truest statement if there ever was one! 🙋🏼💗🎄🇺🇸

    reply to Joy Vena
    • admin

      December 14, 2015

      That is exactly what I was looking for just your honest input! THank you so much for taking the time to read it 🙂

      reply to admin
  • Ajla Hale

    December 11, 2015

    This line tho ” This time around I was no longer a young girl worrying about herself, but a young woman and mother looking after her child ” Wow, so proud of you

    reply to Ajla Hale
    • admin

      December 11, 2015

      Thank you so much this really means so much to me & thank you for taking the time to read and enter my giveaway :-D!

      reply to admin
  • Ashley

    December 7, 2015

    Does this still affect your decisions in building future relationships? do you still keep in touch?

    reply to Ashley
    • admin

      December 7, 2015

      Yes wither I want to believe it or not but I try my best not to take the negative aspects into possible new relationships. I don’t keep in touch with any of them except 1 who has become a really great friend in moderation lol 😉

      reply to admin
  • Ashley

    December 7, 2015

    This is such a beautiful story, I have personally never been in a relationship ever since starting college, its very scary to think about, I think getting in a relationship to end up being single again is what I fear.

    reply to Ashley
    • admin

      December 7, 2015

      Yes it is a scary thing but well worth the risk. You just have to be wise and always listen to your first instinct. Never thought I would believe in that but looking back it would have saved in some heart break.

      reply to admin
  • Kiana

    December 3, 2015

    If you could go back and start over what would you do? Or would you not change anything cause you think it made you stronger?

    reply to Kiana
    • admin

      December 7, 2015

      If I could go back…hmm I think yes I would definitely change some things , but I know that isn’t possible so in turn I think growing from those experiences causes me to be stronger. Ps – Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog ;-D

      reply to admin

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Valentine's Day IS Underrated

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